Why Get Married?
Photo cr: @heechsnaps
A few weeks ago, I sat down with my older son to discuss a couple we know, longtime friends who recently divorced. We talked about the emotional toll of their decision, the financial strain, and, most painfully, the grief it caused their children. I mentioned that divorce rates remain high—about 40% of first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, according to a 2020 CDC study—and that marriage itself is declining, with only 50% of U.S. adults married in 2020, down from 65% in 1990 (Pew Research Center). My son paused, then asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: Why get married at all?
This question isn’t just for young people. Unmarried adults wonder if marriage is worth it, while some married folks ask, “Would I be happier alone?” These doubts reflect a cultural uncertainty about marriage’s purpose, driven by two competing views: the traditional and the modern.
Traditional vs. Modern Views
In traditional societies, marriage was a public institution serving family, clan, or community. It was strategic—unifying kingdoms, consolidating wealth, or securing alliances. Historical dramas often depict this, with young people married off for peace or status. Personal fulfillment took a backseat to communal good. To modern eyes, this can feel cold and transactional.
Today’s view flips the script. Marriage is about personal happiness, emotional intimacy, and sexual satisfaction. A partner should meet your needs and affirm your identity. The iconic line from Jerry Maguire—“You complete me”—sums it up. Success means both partners feel fulfilled. But when that feeling fades, as it often does, many conclude the relationship has failed. This contributes to high divorce rates and a growing trend among young adults to skip marriage altogether—only 30% of Millennials were married by age 32, compared to 60% of Baby Boomers at the same age (Pew Research Center).
Both models have flaws. The traditional view often ignored emotional and spiritual needs, reducing marriage to duty. The modern view, while promising fulfillment, struggles to sustain lasting unions when challenges like financial stress or differing life goals arise.
Marriage as Covenant
So, why marry? The biblical view offers a third way, distinct from both tradition and modernity. It roots marriage in covenant—a binding, loving promise made before God and others. Proverbs 2 warns against abandoning the “partner of your youth” and ignoring the covenant made before God. Ephesians 5 compares marriage to Christ’s faithful love for the Church, a love that endures despite cost or failure.
A covenant isn’t just a contract. It’s a vow of enduring faithfulness, not tied to fleeting emotions or mutual benefit. It’s legal yet deeply personal, a public commitment to love through change, difficulty, and time. As Tim and Kathy Keller write, “Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love, but a mutually binding promise of future love” (The Meaning of Marriage, p. 78, Dutton, 2011).
Consider my friends Anna and Mark (names changed). Early in their marriage, they faced financial strain and clashing career goals. Mark lost his job, and Anna struggled with resentment. But their commitment to their vows—made before family, friends, and God—kept them grounded. They sought counseling, communicated openly, and rebuilt trust. Today, they describe their marriage as stronger, not because it’s always easy, but because their covenant gave them a framework to navigate hardship together.
Modern Skepticism
Some ask, “Why do I need a piece of paper if we love each other?” That “paper” isn’t just a document—it’s a public promise, a commitment to love even when feelings waver. It’s not about locking anyone in but about declaring a shared future. Others worry about practical challenges: financial pressures, career conflicts, or fear of divorce. A covenant doesn’t erase these but provides a foundation to face them with resilience, rooted in mutual loyalty rather than fleeting satisfaction.
This idea resonates beyond religious circles. Even secular philosophies value commitment—think of the loyalty we admire in lifelong friendships or the perseverance celebrated in personal growth. A covenant reflects a universal truth: lasting relationships require choosing each other, again and again, through life’s ups and downs.
Marriage’s Deeper Purpose
Covenant doesn’t mean enduring abuse—love seeks what is good, just, and true. But it does mean redefining love beyond comfort or emotional highs. As a pastor, I’ve officiated weddings where couples promise to love “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse.” These aren’t sentimental words; they’re vows of sacrifice and grace.
Why get married? Not just for status or happiness, but to embody a commitment that mirrors enduring love—whether you see that as divine or simply human. Marriage, rightly understood, becomes a source of joy, intimacy, and growth, and a testimony to a love that lasts.
That’s why marriage still matters.
Median age at first marriage (U.S.) — In 1980, median age at first marriage was 25 for men and 22 for women. In 2024, it’s 30 for men and 29 for women.
Source: Tyko, Kelly. “Why Gen Z is taking the slow road to adulthood.” Business Insider, April 3, 2025. https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-delays-work-marriage-children-homebuying-delayed-development-2025-4Marriage rate among U.S. adults under 30 — Just 18% of adults under 30 are married today, down from 31% in 1995.
Source: “The Landscape of Marriage and Cohabitation in the U.S.” Pew Research Center, Nov. 6, 2019. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/the-landscape-of-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-sDesire to marry among young adults (U.S.) — Among adults ages 18–34 who have never married, 69% say they want to get married, 23% are unsure, and 8% do not want to marry.
Source: “Among young adults without children, men are more likely than women to say they want to be parents someday.” Pew Research Center, Feb. 15, 2024. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/15/among-young-adults-without-children-men-are-more-likely-than-women-to-say-they-want-to-be-parents-somedayNever married by age 40 (U.S.) — One in four (25%) American adults reach age 40 without ever having married.
Source: Wilcox, W. Bradford. “The societal cost of the marriage decline.” Institute for Family Studies, June 25, 2024. https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-societal-cost-of-the-marriage-declineMarriage projections (U.K.) — Nearly half of today’s 20-year-olds are projected never to marry: 47% of women and 48% of men.
Source: “Nearly half of today’s 20-year-olds will never marry.” Marriage Foundation, 2022. https://marriagefoundation.org.uk/research/nearly-half-of-todays-20-year-olds-will-never-marryMarriage decline in Japan — Among 50-year-olds, 20.1% of men and 10.6% of women were unmarried in 2010; projections suggest 29% and 19.2%, respectively, will be unmarried by 2035.
Source: “Marriage in Japan.” Wikipedia. Accessed Aug. 14, 2025. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_Japan